This morning my son sent me an article from the New
York Times entitled, As Volkswagen Pushed to Be No. 1, Ambitions
Fueled a Scandal. It forced
me to question the concept of trust, a word that has been used
throughout history as a way to calm society down when we are worried. I find
various versions of this same definition when I Google it. “a firm
belief in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something” and I know we all
have put our trust in others, in systems, in corporations, although many of us
have also said many times, “I don’t trust ___________ (Insert your own noun
here.)”
This
past year I have come face to face with the meaning of trust. I have had to
trust a lot in 2015 and, until today, it really didn’t hit me how scary that concept
really is. Six months ago our first
grandchild was born six weeks prematurely. We got the call at midnight that our
daughter was at NYU Langone with our son-in-law 2,500 miles away from us. There
was no question that we trusted his ability to take care of our daughter under
normal circumstances. He’s a mature, clear thinking man who is deeply in love
with her and would do anything to keep her safe. But, he is there in mid town
Manhattan all by himself with a wife and unborn baby who were in distress. His
only choice was to trust the doctors and medical staff at that hospital. Trust
them decidedly. He had no alternative. Here he was among strangers who had
degrees, experience, and all the power, but no real vested interest in or love
for our daughter. At these kinds of times all you can do it put your trust in
strangers.
Several
months later my little 14-year Bichon started to fail. I knew he was not doing
well, but I had to trust that the vet had the information to tell us he would
not get better and that the thousands of dollars we could pump into palliative
care would really do no good. We had to trust that he had the information we
did not, that his expertise was top-notch, that he was doing what was best for
Beau.
Throughout
this time I was in the process of retiring from a long teaching career. This retirement
was complicated a bit because I had taught in two TRS states (which means I did
not pay into Social Security) and in one state with my longest tenure where I
did pay into Social Security. It involved hours and hours of reading all the
information and filing with the retirement systems and talking with our
financial manager. It was complicated and scary and we had to trust that what
we were being told and our learning from all the educational materials was
correct. We had to trust that the boxes we were checking would be the best for
us. If you have ever gone through this process, you can relate. It is a maze of
guessing and predicting and trusting that you have all the information and are
making the right decision. This is not to mention the trust I had to have in
the two states’ retirement systems. Trust that my hard earned money is really
there and is being invested honestly and properly and trust that it will be
there to pay me as I enter these “Golden Years.”
The
week I “retired” I got the call. As a woman entering retirement age my chances
were high. I was in the prime statistical range. One in eight in women get this
call at some time in their lifetime. I had been living on borrowed time. I had
Breast Cancer. There was that trust word again…..this time bigger and uglier
than ever. I had to trust that every single test and tech and medical person
knew what they were doing. I had to trust that my lab samples really were mine.
I had to trust that they had the right number when they called me. (Believe me,
I kept hoping that they had the wrong number!) Throughout this whole process
everything I have done was based on trust. These are strangers who don’t know
me. I have to trust that they care enough about me or about their profession,
or about the joy of helping others, or, heck, maybe even making themselves feel
good, to be making the right decisions. If you have ever had surgery and are
put under, you have succumbed to the ultimate from of trust. There is not one
person in that room who loves you or cares about you as you. Many of the women
I have run across in this journey have used the words, “I trust my doctors.” I
am sure these doctors are fabulous professionals, but thinking of trusting
strangers with my life is daunting to say the least.
Back
to the article. Did I
mention I drive a 2011 VW Jetta TDI? I remember when I got the car. I was so
excited. I wanted a cute car that got the best gas mileage around. My husband
wanted a fun car to drive. He would never get a Prius! We were thrilled and
have totally enjoyed our Jetta, taking it for long drives and basking in the 45
mpg. We also have 2004 VW Touareg V8 and have owned ten Volkswagen/Audis. When
I drove my Jetta the 40 miles round trip to work, I felt like I was being such
a good consumer and contributing member of the commuting world. We had trusted
that the recently named largest carmaker in the world had told the truth. We
trusted that we were not polluting the environment (any more than necessary!).
We trusted that the very intelligent powers that be were doing what they said
they were doing. Boy, were we wrong!
How
does this recent breech of confidence bode for our society? How does it help us
with all the trust we have to place in everyone and everything we encounter? In
many ways it rattles my world and I am sure it rattles yours. It is further
complicated by really smart people telling us to trust them to run our country
as they point out the breaking down of the moral fiber of our beings. Who are
we to trust? Can we trust the media to tell us the truth? It has all become a
blur to me. I, for one, have to go back to my basic premise that human beings
are innately good, God faring people, that those who go into the medical
professions and the social service professions and the financial professions do
it for the right reasons. How else can we move forward?
Today
I have a thriving 6 month old granddaughter, we have moved on to being without
a pet after 25 years, and I have gotten my first few retirement checks. I have
started my chemo treatments and am “fighting like a girl.” I am trusting that
my ongoing strength and faith God will carry me through.
Our
lives are built on trust. Has the definition of this word changed? Could it be
the first word in history to have an asterisk beside it with a caveat saying “Check
the meaning before and after the 21st century. Some interpretations
have changed”?
